Capitalism and Its Discontents

Andrew Breitbart: Death of a Douche

by Matt Taibbi
from Rolling Stone online
(Read it there for access to the many hyperlinks!)

So Andrew Breitbart is dead. Here’s what I have to say to that, and I’m sure Breitbart himself would have respected this reaction: Good! Fuck him. I couldn’t be happier that he’s dead.

I say this in the nicest possible way. I actually kind of liked Andrew Breitbart. Not in the sense that I would ever have wanted to hang out with him, or even be caught within a hundred yards of him without a Haz-Mat suit on, but I respected the shamelessness. Breitbart didn’t do anything by halves, and even his most ardent detractors had to admit that he had a highly developed, if not always funny, sense of humor.

For instance, it would be dishonest not to tip a hat to him for that famous scene when he hijacked Anthony Weiner’s own self-immolating "apology" press conference, and held up the entire event by standing at the lectern and congratulating himself at length, before Weiner could let the humiliating healing begin.

For that one, brief, shining moment– still one of the most painful-to-watch YouTube spectacles of all time, right there with Mitt Romney’s priceless attempt at singing "Who Let the Dogs Out?" with a group of black voters in Florida in 2008 – Breitbart could legitimately claim to have the biggest, hairiest balls on earth.

Watching Weiner apologize to Breitbart later in that same event was certainly chilling for a number of reasons (if I were Weiner, I wouldn’t have apologized to that fucker even under torture) but it was hard not to appreciate the deliciousness of the scene from Breitbart’s point of view. Watching Weiner pause, swallow hard, and make the extraordinary decision to plant his lips squarely on the loathsome Breitbart’s ass on national television, that was like the ultimate Mona Lisa masterpiece of right-wing media provocations. That the outrageous Breitbart was standing right there, looking gorgeously gassy in his unbuttoned shirt, bloated Joey Buttafuoco cheeks and splendiforous silver half-mullet, made the humiliation of the trim and neatly-groomed Weiner even more abject.

Furthermore, the ACORN videos made by Breitbart and his two young acolytes, Hannah Giles and James O’Keefe – it’s hard not to see the inspired humor behind their elaborate stunt. And anyone who’s heard their proposals before ACORN staffers to bring underage girls over the border as part of a white-(or nonwhite-) slaving startup firm, and doesn’t think the ACORN responses (or non-responses, as it were) were shocking, they’re deluding themselves. In the Baltimore office, they ran the whole underage hooker-den spiel past an ACORN staffer, and got the following response: "You are gonna use three of them – they are gonna be under 16, so you is eligible to get child tax credit and additional child tax credit."

That is seriously messed up material. Did they edit the videos heavily? Hell yes. Did they make ACORN’s behavior out to be a lot worse than it was? Absolutely. But there’s no way to watch the raw footage and not grasp how totally nuts some of this ACORN "counseling" was. We have to give Breitbart that.

Breitbart has written some nasty things about me personally, once contrived to publish my private emails online, and even teamed up with Rush Limbaugh to humorously mis-identify me as a behind-the-scenes marionettist of the "media-Democrat industrial complex" (Breitbart thought I was improperly advising Occupy leaders), but all that’s okay. I think today, it’s safe to stand back and simply recognize that while many people go through their lives without leaving distinguishing marks, Andrew Breitbart definitely had his moments.

But he also had enough of a sense of humor to appreciate why someone like me shouldn’t bother to pretend I’m sad he’s dead. He wouldn’t, in my place. So to use one of his favorite words: Good riddance, cocksucker.* Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

* See the following Breitbart quote: “I like to call someone a raving cunt every now and then, when it’s appropriate, for effect... ‘You cocksucker.’ I love that kind of language.”

UPDATE: Well done, Breitbart fans, well done! In less than 24 hours you’ve hacked into my Wiki page, published my telephone number on Twitter, called the Rolling Stone offices pretending to be outraged “advertisers” (anonymous ones, who hung up before we could figure out which “ads” to pull), and then spent all night calling and texting my phone with various threats and insults, many of them directed at my family. “Better grow eyes in the back of your head,” was one; “I’m going to take a shit on your mother’s grave,” was another; a third called my wife a “piece of shit like you,” and many others called me a “pile of human excrement.”

Those last ones to me were the most interesting because that quote is lifted directly from Breitbart’s own obit of Ted Kennedy, which like me Breitbart ran just hours after his subject died. So that means the writers of these letters knew that what I did was exactly the same as what Breitbart had done, and yet they still found a way to be unironically outraged on Breitbart’s behalf. I thought: “These people don’t even get their own jokes.”

The really crazy thing is that I was sort of trying to be nice to Breitbart – the obit was at least half an homage. Not that I liked the guy, but he did have a few attractive qualities, one of which being the fact that he got a kick out of the nasty things people said about him. He even once had a plan to set up a website encouraging anti-Breitbart abuse, and was going to let it ride for a while, even spending six figures to hire an Obama p.r. flack to make anti-Breitbart posters, until finally revealing that he'd sponsored the whole thing. Would a person like that really expect someone like me to send flowers when he croaked? No way: he’d be insulted if I didn’t give him one last kick in the balls on the way out the door.

But I guess no homage is complete without a celebration of the whole man, and the whole man in this case was not just a guy who once said, “It’s all about a good laugh,” but also someone who liked to publish peoples’ personal information on the internet, hack into private web sites, tell lies in an attempt to get his enemies fired, and incite readers to threats against his targets and their families, including death threats. I left all of that stuff out of my obit, but now, thanks to you readers, that’s all in there as well, leaving, for posterity, a much more complete picture of the man.

Megaupload Busted

Say what you will about file-"sharing" sites, but this kingpin is an indefensible douche bag. From Rollingstone.com:

Possibly the biggest anti-piracy bust of all time took place on January 20th, when a global sting operation led by the FBI and the Department of Justice brought down the file-sharing giant Megaupload – and arrested its founder, the 38-year-old German hacker and playboy Kim Dotcom.
...
Born Kim Schmitz, Dotcom was arrested in Auckland, New Zealand, where he lived in what is reportedly the country's most expensive private home. Six other Megaupload executives were also arrested. The crew is charged with "criminal copyright infringement and money-laundering on a massive scale" – an estimated $500 million of pirated content, with a combined $175 million in income. (Megaupload claimed to have 50 million daily visits and four percent of the Internet's total traffic.) Authorities seized Dotcom's mansion and 18 luxury cars, including a 2008 Rolls-Royce Phantom Drophead Coupé with a GOD license plate.
...

In related news, also from Rollingstone.com:

Swedish Government Recognizes File-Sharing Faith as a Religion

The Church of Kopimism, a new faith focused on file-sharing, has been officially recognized as a religion by the Swedish government. The church developed from the Young Pirates, a young movement of the Pirate Party in Sweden, who have pushed for the free flow of information online.

The Church takes its name from an online movement in which a Kopimi logo - phonetically, "copy me" - can be placed on a website if the site runner is willing to have their information copied and shared by others.
...

Learning From Iran

You've probably read news stories on how Iran and other repressive regimes have blocked internet and cell phone access to quell public protests. Well its happening in my back yard. Of course the magnitude and stakes aren't as high, but the tactics are the same.

...

Compressed Knowledge

Finally! Read an entire book (sic) during the post- lift-off, pre- wifi-altitude portion of the flight!

The Royal Wedding

All day long, I've found myself captivated by the royal wedding...

(Detroit Free Press, 4/29) Forget Buckingham Palace, a newly married couple has burgers.

Marquisa Benford, 34, tied the knot with 21-year-old Donahvan Gray, just hours after the royal wedding in London.

Their Westminster Abbey was a White Castle on Dequindre in Warren, where the pair met two years ago.

"When he came in and flashed those dimples it was like, it melted me instantly," said the new Mrs. Marquisa Gray, who added she didn't want that date to end.

Performing the ceremony, Puddin, an on-air personality at 98.7 Amp Radio. The D.J. is also an ordained minister.

While Puddin admits the royal White Castle wedding started as a joke, he took his role as minister seriously.

"Hopefully they only have one wedding in their lifetime and it should last forever, so I might get a tear or two today. If I do, I'll blame it on the onions on the burgers," he said.

And forget fruitcakes and tea biscuits, the newly-married Detroit couple and guests celebrated the nuptials by dining on what else, White Castle fare.

"My favorite food and my favorite people, can't ask for more," Gray said.

And while this day is all about Marquisa and Donahvan, they know of another couple worthy of a shout out.

"Congrats Kate and Prince William," said the couple.

***

Best "New" Artist Indeed

Rex, in case you plan to launch a campaign against the Grammy judges for awarding Best New Artist to Esperanza Spalding instead of Justin Bieber, here's some hard evidence of the injustice for you: "New" Artist?

Credits: Esperanza Spalding

Year		Album	Artist		Credit
		New Jazz Divas [Shout! Factory]	Various Artists		Composer
2001		Blanket Music/Noise for Pretend [Split EP]	Noise for Pretend		Vocals (Background), Vocals, Bass
2002		Move	Blanket Music		Vocals
2002		Happy You Near	Noise for Pretend		Double Bass, Vocals, Wurlitzer
2003		Transfiguration of Vincent	M. Ward		Bass
2004		Theresa Perez	Theresa Perez		Voices, Beatbox, Bass (Acoustic)
2005		Dorm Sessions, Vol. 3	Various Artists		Bass
2005		Mile: A Hush Compilation	Various Artists		Bass, Vocals
2006		Junjo	Esperanza Spalding		Bass (Acoustic), Producer, Composer, Vocals
2006		New Leaf	Ramona Borthwick		Vocals
2007		Culmination	Lucas Madrazo		Bass, Vocals (Background)
2007		One Summer in Winters	Jeff Alkire		Bass (Acoustic)
2007		Anthem	Christian Scott		Bass
2007		Anthem [Bonus Track]	Christian Scott		Bass
2007		Toys of Men	Stanley Clarke		Composer, Vocals
2008		Esperanza	Esperanza Spalding		Guitar (Bass), Bass (Acoustic), Composer, Vocals
2008		Esperanza	Esperanza Spalding		Bass (Acoustic), Composer, Guitar (Bass), Vocals
2009		7 Lives	Mauricio Zottarelli		Bass (Acoustic)
2009		Jazz and World Music Sampler	Various Artists		Vocals
2009		Folk Art	Joe Lovano		Bass
2009		Big Neighborhood	Mike Stern		Vocals, Guitar (Bass), Guest Appearance, Bass
2009		Big Neighborhood	Mike Stern		Guest Appearance, Bass, Guitar (Bass), Vocals
2010		Mwaliko	Lionel Loueke		Vocals, Bass
2010		Chamber Music Society	Esperanza Spalding		String Arrangements, Bass (Acoustic), Arranger, Producer, Vocal Arrangement, Composer, Vocals
2011		Bird Songs	Joe Lovano		Bass
2011		Disney Jazz, Vol. 1: Everybody Wants To Be a Cat	Various Artists		Vocals, Bass (Acoustic), Arranger

Sacrebleu!

STEAMBOAT SPRINGS — Steamboat Springs restaurateur Marco Pauvert, 55, has been scheduled for two separate trials in the two accusations of indecent exposure leveled against him.

Pauvert [or is it Pervert?] was arrested Aug. 25 after a woman accused him of exposing himself to her in his downtown Steamboat Springs restaurant, The Epicurian. Since that time, another woman went to police and reported a similar incident that allegedly took place in July.

In both cases, the women allege Pauvert emerged from a rest room fully naked while they were at the restaurant.

In an e-mail, Pauvert's attorney, Jeffery Weeden, suggested ulterior motives for the accusations against Pauvert.

"Sadly, there has also been a past history of animosity by certain members of this community towards him and his French ancestry," Weeden wrote.

Zach Fridell, Steamboat Pilot
.

And Justice For All...

"When Oscar Vazquez was 12, his mother smuggled him across the border from Mexico into the US. Vazquez quickly displayed a talent for building things, and in high school he led a group of teenage engineers to a national underwater robotics championship, beating MIT along the way ('La Vida Robot,' Wired 13.04).

"Last year, after Vazquez graduated from Arizona State University with 'special and unique' honors in mechanical engineering, he asked the federal government to pardon his illegal entry. His request was rejected, and he was barred from entering the US for 10 years.

"It didn’t matter that Vazquez had married an American woman, had an American daughter, and wanted to put his top-notch skills to work in his adopted country. Instead, Vazquez moved back to Sonora, Mexico, where he now lives alone and works as a night manager at a car parts factory." – Joshua Davis (Wired 18.09)

Poll: Faithful know little about faiths

Denver Post Wire Report:

Americans are by all measures a deeply religious people, but they are also deeply ignorant about religion. Researchers from the independent Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life phoned more than 3,400 Americans and asked them 32 questions about the Bible, Christianity and other world religions.

On average, people who took the survey answered half the questions incorrectly, and many flubbed even questions about their own faith. Those who scored the highest were atheists and agnostics, as well as two religious minorities: Jews and Mormons.

Among the topics covered in the survey: Where was Jesus born? What is Ramadan? Whose writings inspired the Protestant Reformation? Which biblical figure led the exodus from Egypt? In most cases, the format was multiple choice.

Infomercial Hell

Have a great day!

Infomercial Hell - watch more funny videos

First the record stores, then the rest of the city...

Andres Duany, one of the founders of New Urbanism (the traditional neighborhood development movement) and fellow crank, rips into hipsters in this interview:

Last week, Brookings Institution released a report on the state of metropolitan America. Have you had a chance to read it? Apparently more and more young people are fleeing suburbia these days.

There's this generation who grew up in the suburbs, for whom the suburbs have no magic. The mall has no magic. They're the ones that have discovered the city. Problem is, they're also destroying the city. The teenagers and young people in Miami come in from the suburbs to the few town centers we have, and they come in like locusts. They make traffic congestion all night; they come in and take up the parking. They ruin the retail and they ruin the restaurants, because they have different habits then older folks. I have seen it. They're basically eating up the first-rate urbanism. They have this techno music, and the food cheapens, and they run in packs, great social packs, and they take over a place and ruin it and go somewhere else.

I've known for 10 years about this destructive monoculture that's condensed in the suburbs. These people would normally be buying real estate by now. And we designed for them. We kept saying, "Aha, these kids, between 24 and 35, will be buying real estate." Guess what? They aren't. Because they can't afford it. But they're still using the cities--they're renting and so forth. The Gen-Xers also discovered the cities; they're buying in a proper way. The Millennials are the ones we're talking about. And they love cities desperately. And they're loving them to death.

.

Choosing the right targets

"There is no polite way to put this: Obama's incompetence is getting people killed," - Liz Cheney

Can someone please crash a plane into Liz Cheney?

. . .

Suspect is still on the moose, er, I mean loose

From the Denver Post: STOCKHOLM — Swedish police say they have cleared a man who was arrested for allegedly murdering his wife after deciding the culprit was most likely a moose. Police spokesman Ulf Karlsson said "the improbable has become probable" in the puzzling death last year of 63-year-old Agneta Westlund. She was found dead after an evening stroll in the forest. According to reports, the victim's husband, Ingemar Westlund, was jailed for 10 days. The case against him was dropped in January.

Also in the (not The Onion) news:

Stat of the Day

Percentage of Americans who think government should stay out of Medicare: 39

(from Harper's Index, 11/09)

...

Ice House Detroit

Into the lunar landscape of the Detroit housing market now comes Ice House Detroit, an art/architectural installation-in-the-making that sets out to freeze an abandoned house in a big chunk of ice.

Here's what the freeze might look like on a rather low-tech shoebox cutout.

Now imagine it bigger, grander.

Unfortunately, the tediously good-hearted plan is to raise $11,000 to demolish the house come spring and to then turn the plot over to a community garden.

To which I say -- and here I speak as someone who has been charged with trafficking in "poverty porn" myself -- bullshit.

The only reason that anyone wants to see this succeed is for the sheer apocalyptic frisson. It would be one part scary to nine parts reassuring. Like a disaster movie. The point is to shock the viewer into a tighter embrace of the what they already know or think they know: family is important, the world is a frightening place, Shelly Winters looks oddly graceful underwater...

Wait, where am I going here?

Right: some may say fire and some may say ice. But I say this is America, and why should we have to choose?

So, I say, ice house auteurs: Freeze it first and then let it burn baby burn when summer rolls around. At least that would be honest.

Inspiration Is Where You Find It

Sarah Palin: Another Would-Be Latter-Day Father Coughlin...or, Frustrated Would-Be National Lampoon Staffer?

"If you don't fight health care reform, they'll kill my special-needs child!"

Hipsters

Here's a good bit of contemporary anthropology. I wish I had thought of it.

Welcome Back, Rodder

"What?"
"Where?"
"Why?"






















With his unfettered self-assurance, apparent obliviousness to his predicament, and even his tonsorial bravado, doesn't Blagojevich remind you of someone?

Lee Atwater

His rise and fall is such recent history, and so unpleasant, that you wouldn’t think it worth revisiting, but when I happened on Boogie Man: The Lee Atwater Story last night, I couldn’t stop watching. Libby Dole must have been in tears, watching it. Want to relive that uncontrollable urge to slap Michael Dukakis (or to punch Bernard Shaw in the mouth?) Check yr local listings.